


NO

by dragonflycas



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-17
Updated: 2015-01-17
Packaged: 2018-03-07 21:30:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3183818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dragonflycas/pseuds/dragonflycas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel asks permission for everything. At first it confuses Sam, but when he's reminded of his ability to say "no" to things, he gets a little giddy with it, especially when it comes to his brother.</p>
            </blockquote>





	NO

**Author's Note:**

> I originally posted this on tumblr a while ago. It's Sastiel but it's really focusing mostly on Sam's consent and issues of autonomy and such.

At first, Sam doesn’t think much of it. He assumes that Castiel just does it to be polite, or because he’s still unsure of human customs. The angel is new at this whole ‘relationship’ thing after all, he’s still figuring certain things out (such as that time Sam tried to be romantic by covering the room in candles and Castiel lectured him for an hour straight about fire hazards). But it just… keeps going. After a while, Sam just can’t help but say something. He breaks when they decide to go for a walk one day and Cas asks very seriously, “Sam, may I hold your hand?”

“Of course, Cas.” That’s become his automatic response now for pretty much everything. Cas asks all the time. He asks to stroke Sam’s hair and to hug him, he asks before kissing him or touching him or undressing him. He always asks to do anything really. “Why?” Sam blurts it out without really meaning to as their fingers lock. “I don’t mean why the hand holding, I mean why do you… ask? Why don’t you just, y’know, take my hand?”

“You might not want me to.” Castiel answers simply, shrugging. “I make it a point not to read your thoughts, Sam, it’s an invasion of privacy.”

“But…” The hunter struggles to put his thoughts and feelings and utter confusion into words. “Cas I mean, we’ve been together for months now, we kiss and touch and everything all the time. You don’t have to ask, I’m yours.”

Apparently that was the wrong thing to say. The angel stops in his tracks and turns to face Sam, shaking his head and frowning deeply, forehead full of wrinkles. “You are not mine, Sam. You are no one’s. You are your own, and your body is your own. If I were to touch you when you didn’t want me to it would be upsetting. I do not want to upset you. Not after-” He cuts himself off and sighs, looking up at the man with a sadness that makes Sam’s heart lurch. “You have been through much, my love. People have used you in the past, have tricked you and forced you and I-I am ashamed to have been one of them. I never want to make a mistake like that again, even a minor one. So I will continue to ask, every time, so I know you feel safe.” Sam is speechless for a moment, not having realized that Cas was so… aware. Then there’s a warmth blooming in the hunter’s chest and he grins, reaching out and pulling the angel into his chest.

“Thank you, Cas.” He whispers sincerely, and the angel beams. When asked for a kiss, his answer is an enthusiastic yes, and they end up cutting their walk short in favor of returning to their room.

The knowledge of Cas’ attentiveness is comforting, but for almost two weeks nothing changes. Every time he’s asked Sam answers yes, almost without thinking about it, just an automatic reaction. Some part of him notices and then just shrugs and tells himself that it’s Cas, why wouldn’t he want to say yes? All touches from his angel are good. So the days go by with questions and answers and plenty of intimacy, until one night Dean is out and Sam decides to watch a documentary on how fast food is made. It takes about twenty minutes for Cas to start fidgeting, obviously not in the mood to just lay there and watch something. He asks to play with Sam’s hair and the hunter agrees, leaning back against the angel. He felt awkward when they first started dating, worried his size would be too much for Cas to support, but Castiel very quickly (and acrobatically) proved to him that his weight was not an issue at all. Another fifteen minutes pass before Sam hears a huff and suddenly there’s Cas’ upside-down face leaning over him, blocking the screen. Sam grunts in annoyance and pauses the movie, raising an eyebrow.

“I’d like to kiss you.” Castiel announces, and Sam has to hold back a snort, still not used to the angel’s incredibly blunt way of speaking. “May I?”

“No.” The moment after it emerges from his mouth the hunter blinks, as if shocked at himself. He didn’t even really mean to but… “Not right now, Cas.” He corrects himself slowly, pointing at the TV. “This is interesting to me, and if we kiss I’ll get distracted. I’d like to continue watching until it’s over, please.”

Castiel just… nods. He retreats back into his sitting position and asks softly if he’s still allowed to play with Sam’s hair. Sam agrees, and settles back. He starts the movie again, but honestly he’s going to have to watch it over anyway. The whole time he just keeps thinking about that word, and wondering when the last time he said it, seriously, and for his own benefit, was. When was the last time he denied someone because of what he wanted? And Cas just… accepted it so easily. He didn’t even protest or leave or do anything but act as if nothing happened. Sam spends the next hour mulling it over, considering how he might reintroduce ‘no’ into his vocabulary.

He does, but it’s a little choppy at first. You know toddlers, around age two or three, you can ask them if they want candy or movies or teddy bears but no matter what it is you offer they enthusiastically shout NO. They do it because they can. For about a month or more kids are just so thrilled with the discovery of free will they can’t help but want to do it all the time always. Sam has gone without for so long that he seems to kind of revert back to that kid for a few days. A week, really. It’s like that first ‘no’ to Cas opened up the floodgates. He struts into the kitchen the next morning and, when offered eggs, cheerfully declares “No, I’m having oatmeal today.”

He doesn’t eat the same thing as his brother for any meals for a while, he doesn’t watch any of the same movies or shows, he refuses ride-alongs to stores and bars and games of pool and darts in favor of reading or just exploring. He realizes that he hasn’t felt independent in a very long time. It’s a little excessive maybe, but maybe he needs it. He needs to indulge himself, to only do what he wants for a while, because he’s been denied that for so long.

Dean can tell something’s up, he knows, but since for the most part it’s little stuff the older Winchester shrugs it off. Until four days in when he walks into the library and smacks the table to get Sam’s attention. “Hey grab your stuff Sammy, we’re rolling out in half an hour, got something fuckin’ with people up North c’mon.” He spins to go before Sam can even say anything, but the younger hunter hurriedly stands and calls after him.

“No!”

Dean freezes, spins back, blinks at him. “What?”

Sam almost, almost, just says ‘sorry, nevermind, I’ll be ready soon.’ It’s such a knee-jerk response he can taste the words. But he forces them back, swallows and straightens his shoulders. “I said no, Dean. I’m not going. I’m in the middle of updating the library with our cases, I can’t stop.” He gestures to the table full of books and paperwork. “You can do it can’t you? If it turns out big call me, or Cas, but it’s probably something you can do on your own. I’ll be here if you really need me.” He sits down again while Dean gapes at him. There’s a long, tense moment of silence and then-

“Alright, fine, but if I die I’m haunting you bitch.” Sam laughs and calls his brother’s retreating back a jerk, before bending over his work again with a grin. That went better than expected.

Later that night, settling in with Cas, Sam admits shyly that it felt amazing to say that to Dean, to just tell him no for once. The angel grins and kisses Sam’s face all over, whispering “I’m so proud of you,” while the hunter pretends to squirm away, but he’s beaming just the same. That night Sam’s ‘nos’ turn into ‘yeses’ again, yeses that reverberate off the walls and down the halls of the bunker with no brother there to hear them, and it is just as fantastic as saying no.


End file.
